Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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