It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
