I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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