i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
