he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All the doctor said was why
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
