Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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