i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
