oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
