U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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