I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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