Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
