is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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