party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
