This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
