the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
