My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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