AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
