I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
