Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
