where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
