This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize