she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
