i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
