I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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