What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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