i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I deserve this hangover.
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