So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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