I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
