cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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