A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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