Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
