Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
