that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
