did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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