bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
