I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
