I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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