My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
