chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
