I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
