I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
