yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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