Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
40s are totally the cure
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
