I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
