as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
