hotel room ftw
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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