Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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