i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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