fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
