Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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