he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
