stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
