there's paper in my vomit.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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