we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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