fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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