I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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