my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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