YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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