I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
