after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
