Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
