No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
