that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
