I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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