Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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