In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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