My liver just broke up with me...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
