my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
