So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
