i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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