Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Come on in and take your pants off
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