And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
