I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
