I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
