I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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