this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
